Hard-Earned Financial Lessons From Divorce, Motherhood, and Chronic Pain

I’ve always had a strong work ethic, and saving money felt second nature to me. I thought those qualities would be enough to secure my future, but as life unfolded, I realized I wasn’t as prepared as I thought. I gave birth to my only child at almost 40, divorced his father when I was almost 50, and spent years navigating the challenges of single motherhood, chronic pain, and financial rebuilding.

Divorce didn’t just deplete my savings—it upended my sense of stability. Being the primary caregiver for my son while working part-time as a freelancer meant I couldn’t advance in my career the way I had envisioned. Add in the time I had to take off to deal with chronic pain, and catching up financially has been a constant challenge.

If I could go back, here’s what I’d tell my younger self—whether she’s in her 20s, 30s, or beyond—about finances, motherhood, and building a future that can take the bumps and bruises along the way.

1. Start Investing Early, Even If It’s Just a Little

Saving always came naturally to me, but I wish I had started investing earlier. As investing expert Suze Orman advises: “The sooner you start investing, the better off you’ll be. Time is your greatest ally in building wealth.”

Even if I’d started small—$50 a month into a low-cost index fund—it could have grown into something meaningful by the time I needed it most. Having that cushion would’ve made a world of difference during the years I couldn’t work full-time or when divorce forced me to rebuild from the ground up.

What I’d Tell You: Start small, start now. Open a Roth IRA, automate contributions, and trust the process. A Roth IRA can provide tax-free growth and withdrawals in retirement, which is especially helpful if you expect to be in a higher tax bracket later. That money will keep working for you, even when life feels like it’s pulling you in every direction.

2. Divorce and Chronic Pain Change Everything

When I divorced my son’s father at almost 50, I thought the hardest part would be splitting assets. But divorce affects every aspect of your life—from your bank account to your confidence—and its impact lingers far longer than you might expect.

Chronic pain added another layer. There were years when working a traditional full-time job wasn’t physically possible for me. Freelancing gave me the flexibility I needed to care for my health and my son, but it also meant I missed out on career growth and financial stability. Those years of limited income still affect me today.

What I’d Tell You:

• Build an emergency fund early—it’s not just for unexpected expenses. It’s for the moments when life demands more from you than you thought possible.
• Stay involved in your household finances, even if you’re in a secure relationship. Know where your money is and what debts exist.

3. Protect Your Career, Even If You Have to Step Away

Becoming a mom at almost 40 meant I was already established in my career when I stepped back to focus on parenting. But by the time I divorced at almost 50, I realized how much my career had stalled.

Freelancing allowed me to be present for my son and manage my own health, but it came at a cost. Without the stability of a traditional job, I lost opportunities for advancement and consistent savings. Now, I’m still playing catch-up, and it’s a steep climb in midlife.

What I’d Do Differently:

• Stay connected to your field, even if you’re working part-time. Networking and continuing education make it easier to transition back when you’re ready.
• Advocate for fair pay—don’t let time away from traditional work make you undervalue yourself.
• Explore ways to diversify your income early. A side hustle or passive income stream can provide a safety net when life takes unexpected turns.

What I’d Tell You: Life might ask you to take a step back, but it doesn’t mean your career is over. Small, intentional steps forward add up over time.

4. Think Long Term, Even When It’s Hard

When you’re managing the day-to-day challenges of life—parenting, health, rebuilding—it’s easy to focus only on the immediate. But the truth is, the choices you make now set the foundation for your future.

As Warren Buffett famously said, “Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.” If I could go back, I’d remind myself to plant those trees earlier, even if it felt like I didn’t have the time or resources.

What I’d Tell You:

• Start small but stay consistent. Whether it’s saving $10 a week or investing in a low-cost index fund, every little bit helps.
• Think beyond today’s challenges. Even when life feels overwhelming, planning for your future is one thing you can control.

5. Your Worth Is More Than Your Paycheck, But Speak Up Anyway

Divorce, motherhood, and chronic pain all made me feel like I had to settle—for less money, fewer opportunities, and smaller goals. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: Undervaluing yourself doesn’t help anyone, least of all you.

What I’d Tell You:

• Advocate for your worth, whether it’s in your career or personal life.
• Invest in yourself—whether it’s therapy, continuing education, or carving out time for self-care.
• Remember that protecting your health and finances is an act of self-respect.

A Letter to My Younger Self

To my younger self: Life is unpredictable, and it won’t always go as planned. You’ll have your heart broken, you’ll face challenges you didn’t see coming, and some days, you’ll wonder if you’re doing enough.

But you’ll also build a life that’s stronger than you imagined. Start taking small steps now—save a little, invest in yourself, and believe that you’re worth it. And when in doubt, remember Buffett’s advice: Plant the tree now, so you can sit in the shade later.